Photo courtesy of Ryan Kelly

Nearly six months into trying not to be such a fat greasy bastard, even my calorie tracker app has had enough. Last night I input my dessert, 20 dark chocolate covered acai berries, and the app came back with, “That’s OK, you don’t have to tell me EVERYTHING!”

If somehow you do want to know more about my big beautiful body, I wrote an article for Daily Burn about my journey. SPOILER ALERT: It’s not a journey.