Top Ten Posts of 2013: #8


The time I lived with an old dying woman in St. Louis.

This is when I was trying to inject myself into interesting positions to generate fun content. Readers reacted positively but I could not endure.
Gloria was dying of brain cancer with only a few months to live so she really stepped up her cigarette smoking. Look, I used to smoke years ago and I think if someone told me today that I was dying, I would buy a pack.
But I was not dying and Gloria smoked me out of there. Because of her condition, she was constantly cold. All the windows were shut and the heat was turned up. She usually had two cigarettes going at any given moment and it is been a while since anyone vacuumed the dog hair. My lungs were failing.
My plan was to stay a few weeks and help her with minor house repairs and the lawn. I couldn’t take it. I did as much as I could on the fourth day of my stay then bolted.
I went to live in a tent in the Ozarks. I’d never been so relieved to live amongst toothless squirrel eaters.

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