My friend Adam is a trans man. Although born in a liberal New England Yankee body, he identifies as an enlightened, musical and hard drinking cowboy. The right mix of Will Rogers, Alan Alda and Peter O’Toole.
While he gives excellent suggestions, he sorely under estimates the time I dedicate to gay tourism. He’s a friend of the gays but does not fully comprehend what motivates us. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t hop in the shower and get ready for the day just because. I get out of bed because that might lead to getting laid.
If you’re straight guy, follow his advice. Of the places he did suggest, where I ended up, the women were throwing themselves at me. Not because I’m such a catch. Texas seems to have a huge number of women divorcees of all ages and for some reason that betrays math, not many single guys.
Below is the email Adam sent when I let him know I was leaving Oklahoma for Texas. If you’re wondering what a 3.2 state is, that’s what we call Oklahoma and Utah because their laws require beer to be watered-down to 3.2% alcohol. I’ll accept that with Utah because they have Bryce, Zion, Moab and some of the most beautiful places on earth. Oklahoma? They better put the booze back in the beer if you want to give people a reason to come to their dusty little corner of this country.

[Adams letter, a straight man’s spiritual guide to Texas]

“Jeff,

Your are about to embark on a journey down I-35, leaving the 3.2 state of Oklahoma and enter that vast republic of Texas. I’m sure on your travels folks have thrown advice your way regarding spots to see and places to go—probably even about Texas—and this is no different, only these suggestion are from a Texas-lovin’, classically trained drinker from New England. But note: I’m ill-informed on the gay night-life in these cities, so bear with me.

Dallas:
I love Dallas. There are some great bars in Dallas (as well as pizza, such as Louie’s and Cane Rosso). Adair’s, Double Wide, Lee Harvey’s are some very good dive bars. Close to Lee Harvey’s is the only bespoke cocktail bar I know of in Dallas called Cedar Social. There are primarily 3 areas to go out and cause trouble… Uptown, Knox/Henderson, and Deep Elum.

Fort Worth:
If you’re going to Dallas, you have to go to Fort Worth, particularly the Stockyards. Go on the weekend if you can and take in the rodeo. There is a fantastic restaurant called Lonesome Dove. Tim Love (James Beard award winner) is the chef and you find that the west has never tasted so good. At the Stockyards they have well-know old bar called The White Elephant. It’s a good place to stop in after the rodeo and get a beer, a whisky, and some live music. Just beyond the stockyards is the world’s largest honky tonk, Billy Bob’s.

NOTE about Dallas/Fort Worth: This week is not only the State Fair, but the Oklahoma v. Texas football game…. So shit may get crazy.

Austin:
Austin as you know is about music and there’s plenty of that on every corner. The Broken Spoke is a famous dance hall/honky tonk with live music every night. The Continental is great music hall. The Horseshoe Lounge is a great old bar. Austin is filled with great food (they even have a Katz deli) but you should check out Franklin’s BBQ.

Austin is a great town, but I like to think of it as the gateway to the Hill Country of Texas. You will love the Hill Country. There are wineries all over the place and great towns and even better live music. There are 3 towns you should try and check out. New Braunfels, Fredericksburg, and Wimberley. Wimberley and New Braunfels are pretty close to one another. Wimberley is very small hippie town, well-known as music haven in the Hill Country. About 30 mins south is New Braunfels. It is a summer town with the river and tubing being its main attraction, but on the outskirts is a little district called Gruene. Gruene is built around one oldest and most famous honky-tonks in Texas, Gruene Hall. There’s some good restaurants and wine tasting spots there as well.

Fredericksburg is farther west. Again there are some great wine tasting opportunities there and decent nightlife and it close to two places worth visiting… Luckenbach and Cherry Springs. Luckenbach is a very small town made famous by the Willie and Waylon song, but there’s a good time to be had there. Cherry Spring is the home of another historical honky tonk, the Cherry Spring Dance Hall. This particular area is filled with honky tonks, and even the general stores around here will have live events after hours. The Hill Country is truly the good-timin’ gem of the state.

These are the places I know and love in Texas. Houston I’m sure you know your way around. San Antone is tourist trap as far as I’m concerned.

If there’s any other insight I can provide in this great state, feel free to reach out.

Take care,

Adam

P.S. You got yourself a good looking pair of boots!”