A study in white guy names

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I should know by now that a highly rated hotel for an extremely low price on Hotwire has a catch. In Savannah, I chose a four and a half star hotel that bragged it was only a quarter-mile from historic downtown. That’s convenient if you’re Jesus, the quarter mile is covered by a river. Fine, first world problem, there’s a free water taxi.
So it’s on an island in the middle of the river but the Westin is a beautiful golf resort.
I took golf as an elective in high school because you didn’t have to change clothes. The Town of Oyster Bay wanted to open a golf course on public land near Syosset High School. To approve the plan, the schoolboard insisted golf be free for high school students. The golf course also backed up onto Our Lady of Mercy academy, which explains all the lesbian nuns who were always on the greens.
On Monday, I paired my multicolored plaid shorts with a chartreuse striped polo, borrowed some mismatched clubs, and proceeded to cheat for a two-hour solo game. I simply picked up balls from bad shots and placed them hundreds of yards away, where I figured they would have gone if I had continued to practice golf after the age of 18.
Back in the locker room, I was mesmerized by all the exotic names on the lockers, like Bob Murphy. Rod Spittle is totally going to be my dirty pig gay porn name.

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