I was busted for jay walking in Salt Lake

Ironically, someone who looks like me in a car resembling mine drove 125 mph unmolested in the Utah dessert but I was just pulled over for walking.
The cop did not like me and I don’t blame him. Officer Steenblick first tried to get my attention by wailing his siren. I did not even look because in NYC ambient noise idles at wailing sirens. When he finally lifted his ample bottom from the car, he was yelling for me to freeze. Steenblick then told me I crossed against the light. On the advice of my attorney, Ally McBeal, I will not say if I did or didn’t cross against the light. But I did tell him I cross against the light in a real city with real traffic all the time. Not a proper defense according to Ally.
Steenblick even said he was going to put me in cuffs when I did not move fast enough for his liking. Don’t threaten me with a good time. You can’t handle this, Steenblick.
While I was waiting for Steenblick to copy/paste my drivers license info onto a ticket, several motorcycles passed with helmet-less riders. Clearly, Utah picks and chooses what part of the public deserve safety.
Whatever, the cop was doing his job. Where he crossed into abuse of power was guessing my weight at 230 lbs! I’ve lost five pounds in the last two weeks. I’m a waif like 215. If that’s not enough, he wrote that my hair is brown! Brown! It’s auburn with hints of shimmering gold.
In case that’s not enough to dismiss the ticket, he did list my address incorrectly.
Checkmate, Steenblick.


4 thoughts on “I was busted for jay walking in Salt Lake

  1. I can’t believe he threatened to cuff you and then called you a fatty. That’s some “Giuliani – time” shit…can’t you find a civil liberties lawyer out there to take this obvious case of police harassment of Jews?

    • It was also an anti-gay attack because I minced across the street. He did not become any sweeter after I handed him my New York drivers license. He probably thought I had a switchblade and was in one of those gangs like the sharks or the Jets.

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