Usually I check my Fidelity accounts online but the mobile application is not as robust as the full website version. Today I just wanted to check a few things and maybe make a few adjustments so I called a human. I’ve always liked Fidelity and they’ve done right by me but today I wanted to run away with the person handling my account. I’ll call him “Ben” because his name is Ben.
Ben asked me a few questions about my short-term goals so I talked about my road trip and my car. He told me he knows exactly how I feel, he just bought a Corvette. He says it’s big enough to hold his guitar and his dog so it’s all he needs. Swoon. There’s another balding middle aged man somewhere in this country feeling my feelings.
I cut the call short before been Ben could convince me to sell all my stocks and invest in growing dreadlocks, playing the guitar and wearing a dashiki.