Today we have a real treat, we have a guest mom. My friend Sarah’s mother Rosemary is stepping in with the car advice duties. As you must know, Wednesday is my mom’s busiest day. There is Weight Watchers, poker, the library, and the cleaning woman.
Rosemary is one of those great New York City Earth mothers who has seen it and done it all. Below, she talks about speaking with your car and bonding with it for superior performance.
“I did not learn to drive until I was in my late twenties, having been driven about by first my father and then my husband. My first car was an old, even then, bile green VW Beatle. My first solo trip was to my dentist – located in Glendale, Queens where I had grown up. To say I was still a little unsure behind the wheel would be a gross understatement. I made it there in one piece, underwent whatever torturous dental thing it was and started home. It never occurred to me that it was coming on to rush hour and I had to cross the Williamsburg Bridge. On the way to the bridge I noticed a peculiar little knocking noise in the motor but paid it no mind. Got to the bridge, traffic horrendous, got onto the bridge and proceeded to get stuck in the middle of the bridge, on the grid part where you could see the river below. Knocking noise increased in volume as did my fears. It was time for a talk with my car – and talk I did. I explained my fears to the car and to this day I believe it listened. Traffic loosened up, knocking continued but the car got me home. Moral of this story is that bonding with your car gets you where you want to go!
Shift way into the future. Charlie (husband #2 – Bile Green VW and #1 long gone) and I have very recently taken possession of a brand new lipstick red Jeep Sport. We are proudly driving same through the West Village – home territory – when smoke begins to billow from the front end of the vehicle. We pull to the curb, hastily exit the vehicle – throw open the hood and can’t even see the motor for the smoke. A little too late to try the bonding thing. We did, however, try really hard to not get mad at the car. The Jeep people came and got the car. It turned out that the plate around the clutch had been improperly installed and the fluid necessary to keep the car running without smoking had all leaked out. Not getting mad at the car had been a bonding step and it has run like a top ever since. Second moral – keep bonding.”
Let me know if your mom has car advice at email@example.com.