It’s Been a Minute

When we last left off, Trump had just “ “ “won“ “ “ the election. Since then, aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!

I’m gonna catch everyone up on everything now that I’ve had time to process and my social life has been freed up.

Our main characters are still alive, Mom, Harry and myself. Mom is safely ensconced in a nursing home on Long Island, in her own private room finally after four years of numerous roommates dying off quickly and mysteriously.

The home has taken great care of her and the other residents during the pandemic but I’ve only been allowed a couple of outdoor visits. Our main communication is FaceTime. A sweet young and put upon nurse’s aide facilitates the call and must listen to my mom constantly say how I’m soooo handsome. Because of her severe short term dementia, that’s pretty much the entire 10 minute call, my mom repeating over and over again how handsome I am. I’ve been requesting two calls a day.

As for Harry, that needy little pain in the ass is still around, never more than two feet away. I couldn’t shake him if I wanted to. It’s true, they can find their way back home, no matter how far away you dump them.

Harry as I write this

As for me, I’m going to dole out the episodes of the past four years, nice and slow like. I imagine writing is something a therapist would tell me to do and I should be in therapy. Here are some teasers.

I moved to the suburbs of New Jersey last September, to be closer to my job of the past three years. Did you know you can leave your house and go shopping in pajamas and slippers and no one bats an eyelash?

I was a TaskRabbit in NYC to supplement my unsteady freelance income. Did you know that millennials sharing teeny tiny apartments in Flatbush will pay up to $100 an hour for you to unbox and plug in a portable air conditioner or to hammer in picture hooks? My motto was, when you need something fixed, call the gay Jewish guy from Long Island who is not handy at all but he’ll YouTube-learn in the subway then gladly take your money. My charm really compensated for my incompetence.

One of my contract communications gigs was working for an LGBTQ+ Jewish synagogue in the West Village. I quit when the well known, star fucker Rabbi ripped me a new one for using the term gay marriage instead of marriage equality. “I SPENT THE PAST 10 YEARS TALKING ABOUY MARRIAGE EQUALITY BARUCH ATAH ADUNOY SOMETHING SOMETHING.” She’s one of the most unpleasant people I have ever met but in fairness to her, I never should’ve taken that job being against organized religion and all. She had my number.

I’m looking forward to catching up! 😘

9 thoughts on “It’s Been a Minute

  1. Fantastic writing as always. Can Task Rabbit help with existential projects, like finding a new career when your tired and bitched up and don’t want to work anymore? Would like to come out to visit you in Westfield and finally meet Harry if you are not afraid of CT COVID bugs.

    • TaskRabbit can do that and more! I actually discovered TaskRabbit when our mutual friend Laura suggested I hire them to read a book on which I was supposed to write a summary. Written by the horrible rabbi. You do find career inspiration on TR gigs when you talk to 25-year-olds making $1 million a year for being hair product influencers.

      • Being an instagram influencer has been an ambition of mine for a while now. But I can’t settle on a theme, as I can’t decide between cooking, painting, horsebarn management, nature walks, or just endless photos of my cat sleeping. By the way if you want to see a seriously scary mommy influencer check out the instagram of Susan Sarandon’s very insane daughter Eva Amurri. https://www.instagram.com/thehappilyeva/?hl=en I am fascinated by how creepy and crazy it is.

      • I’m sure she would’ve had a lot of followers even if she wasn’t Susan Sarandon‘s daughter. 🙄 You should cook in the horsebarn while the cat sleeps near your paintings in the background and eat while walking in nature.

  2. Glad to see you picking up where you left off.
    I’m sure the update will cover many fascinating and far flung aspects of your interaction with
    our dynamic world. Curious-what retailer(s)
    did you shop in your pajamas and slipper
    configuration!

  3. Glad you’re returning to blogging!! I did the same back in January, in fits and starts, but it feels so good to be back out there in front of my anywhere from 2-5 followers!! I have always found you most amusing. Oh! Given that I spent the last two days with someone you spent a few days with last week, I think that means we’re officially contact-trace-related!! Be well!!

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