What the hell am I doing?

I’ve lost my way. Not literally. I have multiple GPS devices, old timey maps and a great sense of direction. It’s hard to get lost in 2013 unless you get hit in the head and are blindfolded.
The past few weeks I’ve been on autopilot and forgotten why I went out on the road. I blame Texas, which is easy because I blame Texas for a lot of troubles in the US.
Texas is so big and there are so many things to do/places to see that I was just putting on miles to check the boxes. It’s time to check in with myself.
The reason I started this trip was to have fun, try new things and see if I could get in trouble. And for all the people who I have met, who have told me, “It must be nice to have no responsibilities and be able to do that.”
Yes, it’s real fucking nice. Because of how society has treated gay people, I had such great internal homophobia that I couldn’t maintain a relationship and never even dreamed I would get married or have children. So yeah, it’s real fucking nice to have no responsibilities. I guess someone was holding a gun to your head so you would have multiple car payments, a mortgage, children and all those other anchors. How horrible for you.
Anyhoo, I’ve decided to use one of my corporate world tools, the traffic light chart. To show our progress on projects, we used fancy spreadsheets to chart our tasks and their deadlines. If the project was on schedule, it was assigned a nice green color. If it was behind schedule, yellow. And once the task was completed, red. You wanted either a lot of green, a lot of red or a mix of the two. Yellow meant explaining why you’re behind. I hardly ever had yellow because, before meetings, I would push out the deadlines of my tasks. Work is easy.
Last night I created a new spreadsheet (on a cocktail napkin from the Blind Tiger pub in Shreveport, Louisiana). My one task is to be adventurous and I am a little behind schedule.
At work when a task was behind schedule, someone had to ask, “What can we do to get this back on track?”
In the case of my road trip, the answer is, camp near alligator infested and haunted bayous.

Photo credit: Vít ‘tasuki’ Brunner / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

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