“That Judge Judy can be quite a bitch.”

While watching The View: “They never got over that habit, all of them talking at the same time.”

“Find my mailman and tell him your mother is so upset that her People magazine didn’t come that she’s in the hospital.”

Me: “Mom, you can’t eat that Lasagna I found in your fridge, it’s bad for your diabetes.”
Mom: “Did you eat my lasagna?”

Mom: “I don’t like all these dead people being wheeled around.”
Me: “They’re not dead, they are patients.”
Mom: “Well, they look dead.”

While watching some news program discuss the must-have holiday season outfits: “Go to my house, look in my closet and see if I have a sparkly top and a great pair of fitted jeans.”